ANNI 37: DANCING WITH THEMSELVES

In honor of the impending VMAs and in, um, acknowledgment of our forthcoming 37th Anniversary Special doorstop, we present this ruggedly endearing vintage tableau of erstwhile MTV honcho Tom Freston and hitmaker Billy Idol, in which the former can be observed emulating the latter's trademark sneer. But no one will be sneering as much as you, dear reader, when our haphazardly assembled yearly valentine to our own misspent careers lands with a thud on your doorstep. Have we mentioned that we're really, really sorry?

HITS LIST: HORSEPOWER
VRRMMMM (5/21a)
HARD LAUNCH: EILISH GOES BIG AGAIN
"Lunch" and other tasty treats (5/20a)
OH, TANNENBAUM! ANOTHER GREAT CAREER HITS THE SKIDS
Another talented journalist trapped in the career cul de sac (5/20a)
NEAR TRUTHS: VARIANTS
Celebrity death match underway on album chart. (5/20a)
ON THE COVER:
HOZIER
Pour some sugar on us. (5/21a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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