PUSH THE BUTTON, SIRIUSLY

King of All Pop Mistakenly Admits HITS President


SiriusXM
King of All Pop Kid Kelly receives an unwelcome visit from our own Todd Hensley, who showed off the latest in wearable technology. The button, installed by order of HITS management, doubles as a "redneck stent," delivering a nourishing blend of rum, bacon fat and nicotine directly to Todd's aorta.

HITS LIST BLASTS OFF
Space is the place for Tay. (4/30a)
TAY RACKS UP STATS, OBLITERATES RECORDS
What did you expect? (4/30a)
STAGECOACH: THE FINAL DESERT EXCURSION
Our weary travelers reflect on their adventure. (4/30a)
BILLIE'S BACK WITH BIG WORLD TOUR
Promises to be a Hard ticket to score. (4/30a)
HIPGNOSIS BOARD APPROVES UPPED BLACKSTONE BID
But it ain't over till it's over. (4/29a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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