What a drag it was: a much-anticipated three-day weekend, and the whole thing was rained out. And if you’re reduced to looking forward to the NBA All-Star Game as the weekend’s highlight, all we can say is, dude, you are easily amused. Now, this weekend may only be normal-sized, but it has a big, fat (or phat, if you’re Jamie Foxx) highlight, and if you don’t know what it is, you shouldn’t be reading this. Nope, you need to get back to the monastery.

CALENDAR
Friday (Feb. 25)
7:00 p.m.
http://www.milkandcookies.com/article/1917/ TV clip showing narcoleptic puppies. Enough said.

8:00 p.m.
The Crooks Cabaret featuring Adam Howe and David Howe of Nimbus. Lookin’ for something really freakin cool to do this weekend? Like musical sketch comedy or sumpn? This is extremely funny shiznit. @ Greenway Court Theater 544 N. Fairfax (just south of Melrose) For reservations: (323) 655-7679.

9:00 p.m.
Hot Hot Heat The Roxy, 9009 W. Sunset Blvd.

10:00 p.m.
Veruca Salt - Hot 90’s girl rock group at The Viper Room.

Saturday (Feb. 26)
7:00 a.m.
Yeah, we know, 7 a.m. on a Saturday. However, ya’ll just might motivate for this one. Have aspirations of being in a rock band? You can sing? Of course you can, you’re in L.A. Then wake up and get to the Whisky for the INXS singer auditions. If you get the job, you better dedicate every song you ever sing to the fine, fine folks at HITS.

2:00 p.m.
The IFP Independent Spirit Awards: The annual indie world’s show is always the day before the Oscars. That’s some hip shit. It’s broadcast live on IFP or go crash the thing @ Shutters On The Beach (One Pico Blvd., Santa Monica). For info: www.ifp.org

8:00 p.m.
The Uncabaret Show: Beth Lapides, Jeff Garlin (one of the best parts of Curb Your Enthusiasm), Laura Kightlinger, & Dana Gould tell the funny @ M Bar (1253 N. Vine @ Fountain). Tickets: $10
Last showing of THE CROOKS CABARET.

9:15p.m.
Hot Karl returns to the Roxy. Also on the bill, local rockers RPM. These guys are amazing and have an awesome female lead singer to boot.

9:30 p.m.
Duran Duran @ Staples Center, 1111 S. Figueroa St., L.A.

10:00 p.m.
Johnny Cash Birthday Bash @ The Galaxy, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana.

11:00 p.m.
Keaton Simons @ M Bar: Sexy, sexy, sexy. Free show! That’s a lotta free sexy.

Sunday (Feb. 27)
9:30a.m.
Race for the Cure: Ninth Annual LA 5k race benefiting the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. @ Rose Bowl. For Info: (626) 577-2700

5:00 p.m.
The 77^th Annual Academy Awards: It doesn’t get any bigger than this. Unless you hate the movies and are a sports guy. Then it probably gets a lot bigger than this.

5:00 p.m 2 a.m.
The Envelope, Please: If you’re gonna get drunk & watch the Oscars, might as well do it for a good cause. We said “do it.” The Abbey joins AIDS Project Los Angeles and Jennifer Love Hewitt (she’ll always be “Love” to us) for a benefit black-tie dinner & awards show viewing party. @ The Abbey (629 N. Robertson Blvd, WeHo) For Info: (310) 289-8410

9:00 p.m.
Donavon Frankenreiter @ the Henry Fonda Theatre, 6126 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood

9:30 p.m.
H.I.M. @ Avalon Hollywood, 1735 N. Vine St., Hollywood

Upcoming:
Wed. 3/2 @ 8p.m.: One Night Standable @ The Improv on Melrose (great night of stand-up)

JE-C’S NEW-MOVIE RUNDOWN
Cursed
Starring: Christina Ricci, James Brolin, Portia De Rossi, Jesse Eisenberg, Shannon Elizabeth and Joshua Jackson
Synopsis: A brother and sister, still mourning the loss of their parents, get into a car accident while driving home late one night. After the wreck, a strange creature attacks them, and in the following weeks, they both notice their bodies changing.
Thoughts: I really, really, really want to see this movie. Why, you ask? First off, it’s from Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson, and if they can’t make a good horror movie, nobody will be able to this year—plus the trailer looks really good.

Man of the House
Starring: Cedric the Entertainer and Tommy Lee Jones
Synopsis: A group of college cheerleaders witness a murder after one of their competitions. A veteran FBI agent is assigned to the case and goes undercover as an assistant coach to protect the rambunctious girls from the thugs determined to kill them before they can testify.
Thoughts: Ok, I know what you guys are thinking: this one looks unbearably stupid, right? You know what, you’re probably right, but if you know me, you know I will be one of the first in line for this movie. Most likely it won’t be that good, but I’m sure it will be good for some laughs.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Starring: Kimberly Elise, Steve Harris, Shemar Moore, Tamara Taylor, Tyler Perry, and Cicely Tyson
Synopsis: Near her 18th wedding anniversary, Helen is shocked to discover that her husband plans to leave her to be with her best friend. She finds herself without a home, left to pack up her belongings in a moving van and find a new life.
Thoughts: I have no idea what to say about this movie other than it looks absolutely terrible—I don’t even know how something like this got green-lighted. Unless you’re unbearably bored, I wouldn’t recommend this one to anyone.