1. Which six nominees would you choose to live in the Surreal World house in the year 2017?
If we have a boxing ring in the house by then, the entire field up for Best New Artist—and K-Fed, because he really should have been nominated.

2. If Kanye West doesn’t win an award, will he tell reporters, “Grammy voters don’t care about black people”?
If Kanye doesn’t win an award, he’ll tell reporters that “Grammy voters only care about George Bush.”

3. If Danny Bonaduce was up for a Grammy this year, in which category would he be nominated?
Contemporary blues.

4. Can Eddie Blazonczyk’s Versatones finally defeat Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra in the Polka Album category this year?
Actually, they may cancel each other out. This could really be the year for the Del Sinchak Band and their Polka Pizzazz!

5. How long will you stay at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party?
At least until Barry Manilow sings “Could It Be Magic.”

6. How many times will Paul McCartney flash the “peace” sign at the audience during his performance?
As many times as he wants. He’s a Beatle, damn it. All I am saying is give peace a chance.

7. Will Madonna accidentally step on any members of the Gorillaz during their opening performance?
She won’t step on them, but she may slip them the tongue.

8. Will Gwen Stefani’s pregnancy show?
No Doubt.

9. What will you do if your Grammy seats are better than Tom Calderone’s?
What any good exec would do—kiss corporate ass and give him mine.

10. Who are you wearing?
The latest from the Garanimals line.