Our own President of Digital Ventures Todd Hensley managed to drag himself away from the MGM Grand’s craps tables long enough to file this report from the iHeartRadio Music Festival in Vegas. We’ve endeavored to translate it into English, though it’s arguably funnier in the original Weasel.

Big Machine’s Taylor Swift kicked off night one of the festival by taking her "pop" show out for a spin. Clad in a pink sequined dress—and having utterly dispensed with the banjos, acoustic guitars and all other trappings of Country—the superstar’s clearly having fun with this new presentation, and the audience ate it up.

Next came a typically authoritative set from Parlophone’s Coldplay, with frontman Chris Martin captivating the crowd.　

One of the night’s only technical problems turned into a spontaneous demonstration of star power. The backing music for Nicki Minaj cut out, and the YMCMB/Republic rapper, unfazed, began to freestyle.

RCA’s Alica Keys provided a serious moment as she came out just to perform new single "We Are Here," the motivational anthem that is part of a viral activism campaign.

As the show came to a close, Mötley Crüe owned the over-40 crowd with pyro, flamethrowers and girls on stripper poles.

RCA’s Usher closed the proceedings with a surprise appearance from his "brother" Chris Brown. They then set a perfectly good pair of Jordans on fire during the hit "New Flame."

　
Backstage between sets, iHeartMedia power players Bob Pittman, John Sykes, Tom Poleman, Marissa Morris and Alissa Pollack took photos with artists and other celebrities.

Among the other heavies spotted during the evening were CAA’s Rob Light; Republic’s Monte Lipman, Charlie Walk and Gary Spangler; WMG’s Stephen Cooper (holding court in the Warner suite); Warner Bros.’ Peter Gray; Capitol’s Greg Thompson and Dennis Reese; Columbia’s Lee Leipsner and Jim Burruss; Epic’s Todd Glassman; Glassnote’s Daniel Glass and Nick Petropoulos; Big Machine’s Scott Borchetta, John Zarling and David Nathan; Cash Money’s Slim; managers Scooter Braun, Ron Laffitte, Michael McDonald, Phil McIntyre, Frank Bell (Swift) and Grace Miguel (Usher); and Shazam’s Peter Szabo.

Following the event, many of the former Clear Channel folks (constantly correcting themselves on their company's new name) joined Republic, McIntyre and Island’s Nick Jonas in the On The Verge afterparty at a swanky MGM bungalow.　

In the next installment: Todd says "Hey Buddy" 724 times.