Please Note: She’s a Short Weakend Planner this week. But since when does size matter at HITS? Our lazy asses are in the midst of moving offices from our longtime Sherman Oaks pigsty to new digs at 6255 Sunset Blvd., Suite 910, Hollywood 90028 (323-461-6100), which should only take us a few days to totally trash, given our demonstrated talent for creating chaos..That means we're are way too busy packing boxes to worry about your sorry-ass weekend. Translation: We’re sitting on partially packed boxes drinking our asses off.

Friday (April 22)
8:00 p.m.
Double Dare: Don’t buy it when you see Nicole Kidman fall off of something or Sandra Bullock in a fight scene? Maybe you shouldn’t be such a nit-picker. Why do you gotta playa hate? It’s OK, we get it. You’ll probably enjoy this documentary on the lives of stunt women. Starts today @ Laemmle Sunset 5 (8000 Sunset Blvd @ C’Heights).

9:00 p.m.
www.bstv.tv: Wayyyy amusing. Tons of clips of incredibly stupid people auditioning for (incredibly stupid) reality shows. This link has been leaked out and all of this will supposedly be airing on a big network soon. That’s what Daily Candy says anyway.

10:00 p.m.
Smogcutter: All about the dive bars. This one is so local with just a handful of hip east siders stumbling in. And since I’m one of the handful … really, who am I to judge. You can do low key karaoke that’s somehow super awkward and comfortable simultaneously, with really bad sound. @ 864 N. Virgil Ave @ Normal St.

Saturday (April 23)
9:00 a.m.
Earth Day: Stroke some grass gently this morning. Hug a tree in the afternoon. If things go well for you and that tree … take it to a motel in the evening. Go get ‘em tiger.

11:00 a.m.
Flower Festival: If you’re allergic to roses, you might wanna steer clear of seeing 10,000 rose bushes (I said ‘bush’) in 100+ varieties. But, if you’re like me and feel that allergies are for pussies (I said …), go check this out. @ Exposition Park Rose Garden (741 State Dr. btwn Exposition Blvd/S. Figueroa St. Open Sunday, too. For Info: (213) 763-0114.

1:00 p.m.
Milk & Cookies: Not just for the little ones, you know. Visit this new West Village shop where if you have 8 minutes, you can pick your own mix-ins and have a batch made up for you. @ 19 Commerce St. @ Seventh Ave., NYC. For Info: (212) 243-1640

3:00 p.m.
www.trafficdocumentary.com: Sooooo LA. But we dig it. Drivers can swap little know routes across town, warn each other about traffic issues, duck into the Shortcuts Forum etc.

7:00 p.m.
A Sedar: We don’t wanna guilt you. But we will. Grab a shank bone and hit a sedar.

8:00 p.m.
Noshi Sushi: Luscious. Cheap. Cash only. Perhaps the best Spicy Tuna Rolls around. Spicy Tuna Roll, oddly enough, also my street name. @ 4430 Beverly Blvd.

Sunday (April 24)
11:00 a.m.
Submit Your TV Script to the Other Network’s TV Writing Contest: Winning scripts will be read by some of of TV’s top showrunners including: Cindy Chupak, Winnie Holzman, Bryan Fuller, more. There are cool prizes and it’s rad visibility. Deadline is July 1. Get details/submission form at www.uncabaret.com

1:00 p.m.
www.hipcooks.com: Monika Reti is the trendy cook behind this site who wants to make sure you host an off the hook dinner party at your crib. Did I really just say that? At any rate, she also teaches small group classes in her loft in the Brewery downtown. I wanna live in the Brewery downtown.

8:00 p.m.
American Top 40 Live With Ryan Seacrest (Fox)

9:00 p.m.
Desperate Housewives: Arguably some of the worst acting in television … on a show I can’t stop watching. You do the math (ABC).

JE-C’S NEW MOVIE RUNDOWN
A Lot Like Love
Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Amanda Peet, Herschel Bleefeld, Kathryn Hahn and Moon Bloodgood
Synopsis: Oliver and Emily met on a flight from Los Angeles to New York seven years ago and decided almost immediately that they had no chemistry together. But since then, they've kept bumping into each other. Gradually, they begin to think that maybe they should be a couple, though the timing is never right. As they struggle with relationships, careers, and other life events, their friendship grows.
Thoughts: All I gotta ask is, how many times are they going to make the same movie? We just saw Ashton Kutcher in a romantic comedy. Although this one doesn’t deal with race, it basically will boil down to the same result in the end. I choose to pass on this one, unless, of course, my girlfriend wants to see it.

The Interpreter
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Sean Penn, Catherine Keener, Max Minghella, Jesper Christensen and Maz Jobrani
Synopsis: A United Nations interpreter named Silvia Broome overhears a death threat against an African head of state who is set to address the General Assembly. Federal agent Tobin Keller is assigned to protect her, but he's not entirely sure she's telling the truth.
Thoughts: This movie has a great cast, and ever since I saw the trailer I’ve been interested in it. However, I’m not sure what the buzz is on this one; it’s kind of been quiet, to be honest, which can’t be good for a movie that stars Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman. I still plan on seeing it, either way.

King’s Ransom
Starring: Anthony Anderson, Leila Arcieri, Jay Mohr, Donald Faison, Regina Hall and Kellita Smith
Synopsis: A rich, egotistical businessman named Malcolm King is about to lose everything in a divorce settlement. In an attempt to thwart his ex-wife, Malcolm tries to stage his own kidnapping, with his girlfriend and her thuggish brother as accomplices.
Thoughts: I only recently saw the coming attractions, and it looks kind of funny. I’m a huge Anthony Anderson fan, so I may just end up seeing it based on that.

JE-C’S NEW MUSIC TO CHECK OUT
Ahhh yeah, So So Def is definitely back in the building. Jermaine Dupri’s label will be releasing its first album under a new deal with Virgin. It’s called Jermaine Dupri Presents Young, Fly and Flashy Vol 1. and it features J-Kwon, T. Waters and Pastor Troy, among other new So So Def artists. The first single, from Jermaine himself, is called “Gotta Getcha.” It’ll be impacting mix shows May 5-6 and mainstream toward the end of the month. Keep an ear out for this track, as I’ve gotten an early preview and it’s definitely a banger. The album will be hitting stores July 19.