We don’t wanna to get all Shakespeare on you, but did you know that the Ides of March is the Roman calendar version of March 15—which doesn’t fall on this weekend, but Tuesday’s close enough for rock & roll, right? And check this out: In Russell Crowe times, March 1 was known as Kalends (hey, that must be where the word “calendar” comes from), and March 7 was Nones. Trippy, huh? If you have nothing better to do (can’t get tix to Coldplay et al. at the KCRW bash; don’t have the emerging Showtime on your cable package; have no intention of getting up before dawn to go to the Rose Bowl Flea Market), just go ahead and amaze your friends with your erudition. Don’t thank us—thank Google. Which makes us wonder, what did people do before there was an Internet? Ask your parents…if they can remember. The memory goes first—or is it the knees?

CALENDAR
Friday (March 11)
8:00 p.m.
Sandra Bernhard “Everything Bad and Beautiful”: If you’ve never seen her live, go. She’s a super strong and intelligent performer. @ the Silent Movie Theatre thru 3/25. For info: www.silentmovietheatre.com

8:00 p.m.
The Laugh Factory (NYC) All-Star Comedy, featuring Sue Costello, Judah Friedlander etc.: The popular Hollywood club now has a Times Square haunt. Tix $20. 669 8^th Ave @ 42^nd St.

8:00 p.m.
Doc Holiday’s Watusi Rodeo First Anniversary: Indie 103.1 FM’s acclaimed roots-rock program wrangles together a rockin’ party @ King King. With John Doe, Steve Wynn, Randy Weeks, Michelle Shocked, Tim Easton and more. Co-presented by Sin City Marketing & No Depression Magazine. For info: www.indie103.fm

8:00 p.m.
Stand-up @ the Sportsmen’s Lodge:Comedy is always funnier when it’s in this old-school Studio City hotel. Look for retired old Hollywood types and cheesey-good cover bands. 12825 Ventura Blvd @ Coldwater.

8:00 p.m.
The Futureheads @ Henry Fonda Music Box Theatre. For info: (323) 464-0808

8:30 p.m.
The Dan Band: Seen this hysterical cover band led by the way funny Dan Finnerty? I once threw my bra at him while he was singing and his wife, Kathy Najimy, was in the audience. But, really, how is that different than any other of my nights out? @ Avalon, 1734 N. Vine @ Hollywood. For info: www.thedanband.com

Midnight
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Feelin’ down (take uppers) since his death? Nothing wrong with a little late-night Hunter S. Thompson fix. @ Nuart Theatre, 11272 Santa Monica Blvd. For info: (310) 478-6379

Saturday (March 12)
BAM kids Film Festival: Looking for something to take the kiddies to? Check out this film festival. A celluloid extravaganza, the fest includes 50 total films ranging from short to feature length. A perfect getaway for parents and kids to escape all the violent and inappropriate movies. Times vary, so here is the number to call and get the lowdown: (718) 777-3456; 30 Lafayette Avenue, Brooklyn.

7:30 p.m.
The Dreaming at the Roxy.

7:45pm
KCRW Presents a Sounds Eclectic Evening: This always-impressive benefit (hosted by the always-sexy Nic Harcourt) to support the station once again sports an awesome lineup: Coldplay, Aqualung, Cafe Tacuba, Paul Buchanan (from The Blue Nile), Van Hunt, Nellie McKay and The Like plus surprise guests. But if you wanna go, you’ll have to scalp some tickets. For info: www.kcrw.com/see4

8:00 p.m.
Bill Maher @ The Grove of Anaheim. Liked Politically Incorrect? Get off on his womanizing-rap? Go see him be funny. 2200 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim. For info: (714) 712-2700.

8:00 p.m.
Nimbus @ Blue Ridge Pickin Parlor: Join Nimbus in a special RARE acoustic performance in an intimate 100-seat only theater. There will be some fun musical surprises, stripped-down versions of Nimbus tunes, and they’ll be joined by their good friend, the amazing songwriter Jaryd Burton. Reserve your tickets now—they’re $10—cuz once the 100 tix are gone, THAT’S IT! Email for tix: Nimbusmusic@hotmail.com

Sunday (March 13)
5:00 a.m.
Yes, you read that right—we said get your lazy butt out of bed extra early and head on down to the flea market at the Rose Bowl. All the little knick-knacks and goodies you know you don’t NEED but know you WANT.

11:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m.
A Soolip Wedding: KCRW’s Jason Bentley spins at this bridal industry exhibition @ the very cool Hotel Figueroa, 939 S. Figueroa St. @ Olympic Blvd. For info: www.asoolipwedding.com

12:30 p.m.
The Clippers battle the red-hot baby Bulls at Staples Center. This is an early game and a perfect one to take the kids to. Plus, the Clips are the most entertaining team to watch in L.A. They may be a long shot for the playoffs, but this team fights every night and has a lot of heart, so if you have the time, go give your support.

6:00 p.m.-1:00 a.m.
Totally ’80s Convention: You an ’80s whore? Go compete in a lip-sync contest, or a Trivial Pursuit challenge or check out a bunch of cover bands. Bring money—plenty of collectibles for sale. @ Henry Fonda Music Box Theatre. For info: (626) 967-7811.

7:00 p.m.
Jay Leno @ The Comedy & Magic Club: Jay’s here (1018 Hermosa Ave. in Hermosa Beach) every Sunday working out material for his Tonight Show monologues. And my ass is there every Sunday stealing that very material. Tickets $30... damn, Jay. For info: (310) 372-1193. 7:30 p.m.
Drive-Thru recording artists Jenoah at the Whisky.

10 p.m.
The L Word (Showtime): Total guilty pleasure. Forget that. Not even feelin’ the guilt. If you’re not watching, hurry up; this week is the fourth episode, already.

Upcoming:
Mon. 3/15 Fat Actress (Showtime):Wow, is this bad. You’ve gotta watch. See, Kirstie still wins. I, on the other hand, never win.
Mon. 3/14 Fashion Week in L.A. kicks off.
Mon. 3/14 National Potato Chip Day.
Wed. 3/16 Stand-up @ Parlor Room in WeHo.
Thurs 3/17 April Sixth at the Roxy, 10:20 p.m.
Sat. 3/19 KILLER Stand-up @ Comedy Union on Pico Blvd @ 8:00 p.m. *Save the date*

JE-C’S NEW MOVIE RUNDOWN
Robots
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Halle Berry, Robin Williams, Mel Brooks, Greg Kinnear and Drew Carey
Synopsis: A young robot wiz named Rodney builds robots that he hopes will make the world a better place. After journeying to the big city, he falls for a female executive robot collaborates with an aging innovator and battles a sinister CEO.
Thoughts: I really want to see this movie. There hasn’t been a movie that I have wanted to see really badly since The Incredibles. Yeah, I know, I’m a little kid but hey, I don’t care. The thing I’m most excited about is that this one is going to be presented in 3-D Imax. This is a perfect movie for people of all ages. Plus, it’s from the creators of Ice Age, one of my favorites.

Hostage
Starring: Bruce Willis, Kevin Pollack, Ben Foster, Jonathan Tucker, Serena Scott Thomas, Marshall Allman, Michelle Horn and Jimmy Bennett
Synopsis: A former hostage negotiator retires to a small town to lead its police department. But he finds that his old skills come into play when a band of teenagers attempts to steal a family's car. The plan goes awry and the would-be crooks find themselves trapped in a high-security house, which contains some confidential information that's very valuable to different group of criminals.
Thoughts: Bruce Willis either makes a really good movie or a really bad one. I, for some reason, feel this one could be really good. The trailer looks awesome. I’m gonna go out on a limb and recommend Hostage in advance to all those who love the action/suspense type movies.

Downfall
Starring: Bruno Ganz, Alexandra Maria Lara, Corinna Harfouch, Ulrich Matthes, Juliane Kohler and Heino Ferch
Synopsis: This drama follows the last 10 days of Adolf Hitler's life, from his 56th birthday on April 20, 1945, to his suicide on April 30.
Thoughts: Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re all thinking: how many more Nazi movies can we possibly watch? Well, I say one more, because I don’t think a film has ever covered this part of the story. I myself haven’t seen many Nazi films, but for some reason I’m very interested in this one.