Austin American-Statesman journalists Michael Corcoran and Robert Wilonsky roll out the welcome mat for the nearly 700 music critics, "several of whom don't have a record review in the new Blender," descending on their town for this weekend's SXSW convention with "a heapin' helpin' of the truth" in the form of "35 things every rock critic should know" aside from, "Yes, you are a groupie." For a complete list click here.

Some of their career counsel includes:

Go ahead and admit it: You don't get the Velvet Underground.

Ryan Adams has no talent.

Dressing like a rock star doesn't make you look like a rock star: It only reinforces the stereotype that critics are musician wannabes (Boy, that's three David Fricke refs in a row.)

Lester Bangs is dead. What's your excuse?

Three more of the most frightening words ever: "Robert Christgau protege."

If you receive a sex tape featuring a prominent R&B artist and don't dub copies for friends, then you deserve the Chicago Sun-Times.

"Yo La Tengo" is Spanish for "Critics Can't Rock."

Having Courtney Love hit on you during an interview is as special as a free coffee refill.

Re: the Strokes. Make up your mind already.