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Tuesday, April 19, 2022

HITS LIST: HOLY MOSES

Welcome to our annual Passover edition, starring Harry Styles, Coran Capshaw, Jacqueline Saturn, Marc Cimino and Steve Barnett—though we feel fairly confident that most of them are not preparing a seder. The revived Mercury Records, our #1 entry, was founded by Tribesmen, so there’s that. Passover, we're told, coincides with a Christian holiday involving eggs and bonnets.

...Happy Hits List

 
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HITS LIST: HORSEPOWER
VRRMMMM (5/21a)
Check It Out Now
HARD LAUNCH: EILISH GOES BIG AGAIN
"Lunch" and other tasty treats (5/20a)
Check It Out Now
OH, TANNENBAUM! ANOTHER GREAT CAREER HITS THE SKIDS
Another talented journalist trapped in the career cul de sac (5/20a)
Check It Out Now
NEAR TRUTHS: VARIANTS
Celebrity death match underway on album chart. (5/20a)
Check It Out Now
ON THE COVER:
HOZIER
Pour some sugar on us. (5/21a)
Check It Out Now
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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