OK, kids, this is where we all use our imaginations! Epic breakout GIVĒON has received three new RIAA certifications, but there isn’t a plaque-bestowing trade photo. So we want you to picture the young R&B star and his label team smiling away as he’s presented with a double-platinum plaque (commemorating the success of hit “Like I Want You”) and two gold plaques (for singles “For Tonight” and “The Beach”). That brings the plaque tally to an impressive 11 for GIVĒON, who’s up for no fewer than six Grammys (for his own work and his guest spot on Justin Bieber’s smash “Peaches”) and will be performing at Coachella on 4/16. Now imagine a cheerful left-to-right recitation of our imaginary photo, followed by a suitably droll joke about how much HITS sucks. Wasn’t that fun, everybody? OK, now settle down—it’s time for your naps.
OH, TANNENBAUM! ANOTHER GREAT CAREER HITS THE SKIDS
Another talented journalist trapped in the career cul de sac (5/20a)
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THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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