Meet Brooklyn Kwatinetz, the brand new release from Jeff Kwatinetz and wife Natalie. She arrived this morning, weighing in at 7 lbs. 1 oz. and measuring 19 inches. Daughter and parents are all healthy. Reports that Brooklyn has already commissioned 15% of a neighboring newborn's binky couldn't be confirmed at presstime. Mazels to the family.
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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