Simon and L.A. The New X Factor Power Couple

SIMON SAYS, L.A. RESPONDS: Perhaps the most intriguing part of last night’s The X Factor premiere is the budding rivalry between producer Simon Cowell and judge L.A. Reid, who faced off last night on, most notably, 21-year-old self-declared “cheerleader, hipster and drag queen” Beyonce wannabe, USC student Simone Battle. Clad in tight-fitting hot pants, she sang Pussycat Dolls' “When I Grow Up,” leaving L.A. completely “underwhelmed… The hair on my arm didn’t raise.” Cowell turned to the label exec in wide-eyed disbelief, insisting, “This is exactly the person you should be working with, L.A.” Reid stood firm. “I can’t be swayed. I just don’t believe it.” Then cut to Cowell explaining: “I know what it takes to find an artist and turn them into a star,” while Reid tells an unseen interviewer about his fellow judge: “He’s not the greatest record man in the world, but he is the greatest talent magnet.” Host Steve Jones breathlessly announced, “A new rivalry is forming.” with both ankling successful posts to join forces. Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger best stay out of the line of fire. (9/22p)

NEAR TRUTHS:
CENTERS OF GRAVITY
Eilish enters a powerful new creative chapter. (5/6a)
ON THE COVER:
TAYLOR SWIFT
Sorry, Tay, but we had to do it. (5/6a)
HITS LIST: HANGIN' OUT
With extra relish (5/6a)
LATEST SCORES: KENDRICK VS. DRAKE
Multiple lead changes in this playoff game. (5/6a)
LIVE NATION POSTS (ANOTHER) RECORD QUARTER
More butts in seats than ever before. (5/3a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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