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"UMG officially has no comment."
—Spokesman Bob Bernstein

NEWS THAT WILL ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE, OR SOMETHING

Where Else Ya Gonna Find Paul McCartney Rubbin’ Shoulders With Freddy Fender & Charlotte Church?
MAYBE WE'RE AMAZED
Paul McCartney is the wealthiest rocker in England, with an estimated fortune of $706.9 million, according to a British survey released Thursday (11/23). BusinessAge magazine, which conducted the survey, reported that the former Beatle was way ahead of second-place finisher Elton John, who has a personal fortune of 156 million pounds. Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones came next, followed by Tom Jones and Engelbert Humperdinck. Former Herman's Hermits singer Peter Noone was at the bottom of the list with an amassed fortune of just over 125 pounds.


FENDER BENDER
Grammy Award-winner Freddy Fender has hepatitis C and needs liver and kidney transplants. Fender plans to continue performing while he begins the two-year wait for a new liver. In related news, country singer Chris LeDoux was released from an Omaha hospital Monday (11/20) after his own Oct. 7 liver transplant. Doctors said plans to remove LeDoux's new liver and give it to Fender because Fender is more famous are not true. Meanwhile, Universal Music Group corporate PR wizard Bob Bernstein, who played steel guitar with Fender's band for years before donning that well-fitting corporate suit, offered a liver and kidney to Fender. Ambiguity abounds as to whether Bernstein actually offered his own body parts. "I decline to comment," said Berstein. "UMG officially has no comment. Everyone I know has nothing to say, and those I don't know will refuse to comment," Bernstein said.

TEEN POP STARS: BEHOLD YOUR FUTURE
For the second time in two months, '50s teen idol Fabian Forte has been sued for allegedly not paying his bills. Contractor Roy Dewitt Jr. Tuesday (11/21) filed a lawsuit saying he hasn't been paid for work done on Forte's home, alleging he is owed $17,000, as well as $35,000 extra for basement work. A countersuit filed Wednesday (11/22) charges that the walls are crooked and that repairs will cost $50,000. Fabian and his wife were sued last month by Nemacolin Woodlands Resort and Spa, which asserted the couple owes more than $5,000 from their 1998 wedding. In that case, the couple said they were overcharged for alcohol. "We asked [the contractor] to fix things in accordance with the builder's contract and he refused to do it. He actually owes us money.'' said Joseph George, the Fortes' attorney. "As for the Spa suit, celebrity Fabian didn't think his marriage would even last through the reception so he and his pals went to town on the Jack Daniels."

DON'T COME HOME A-LIMPIN' WITH LOVIN' ON YOUR MIND, OR: THE (GLUCOSAMINE-CHONDROITIN) PILL
Country music legend Loretta Lynn recently underwent arthroscopic knee surgery. "Performing on stage night after night is a lot harder, physically, than most people realize," Lynn said. "I guess after 40 years, I should give up those David Lee Roth-style splits off the drum riser, but the crowd always goes apeshit."

JEANS AND GENES
Jeans manufacturer Levi's is teaming with LIFEbeat, a not-for-profit HIV/AIDS awareness organization, to raise awareness for LIFEbeat's "Zero Transmission" campaign. Superstars 98 Degrees, Jessica Simpson, Mya, Outkast, The Corrs and Baha Men will perform at the third annual benefit concert, which MTV will broadcast at 4:30 p.m. (ET/PT) on Dec. 1, the 13th anniversary of World AIDS Day. The broadcast will be co-hosted by Carson Daly and pop star Pink. Levi's will donate $1 for every fan—up to $50,000—that logs on to Levi.com from Dec. 1-7. "The Music With A Message 2000 concert lets us not only entertain fans, but also send them a crucial message that they can help raise money for the cause," said Corrs lead singer Andrea Corr. And she should know, ‘cause she's the sexiest woman in the world.

CHARLOTTE'S WEB
The former manager of teen classical star Charlotte Church settled a multimillion pound dispute with the Welsh singer's parents out of court on Wednesday (11/22). Jonathan Shalit, fired in January, was reported to have agreed to a $2.83 million settlement, legal sources told Reuters. Shalit had sued for $7 million in compensation. Film reviewer Gene Shalit called the suit, "Moving! Delightful! The feel-good family litigation of the year!"

SINCE WHEN DOES IT COST TO SEPARATE HIM FROM HIS PANTS?
Sir Elton John will sell off 20,000 items of his clothing for charity. John will open a temporary shop in London next week to raise money for AIDS research, the Mail said Sunday (11/26). The sale, titled "Out Of The Closet," will include extravagant outfits such as the $70,000 silver suit and massive wig the singer wore to his 50th birthday party three years ago. The doors open at the New Bond Street shop on Wednesday (11/29). Said one insider, "This sale will represent the largest concentration of sequins since Liza last toured."

KING JON'S VERSION
Jonathan King, a songwriter and music mogul who produced a string of ‘70s pop hits, was charged Friday with sexual offenses involving underage males. King was arrested at his home in London on Thursday (11/23) after an investigation by the Serious Sex Offenders Unit of the National Criminal Intelligence Service, police said. He was charged with three sex offenses and released on conditional bail. As a producer/executive, King was instrumental in launching the careers of several bands, including Genesis, 10cc and the Bay City Rollers. If found guilty, King will be held in the jail's Gary Glitter wing.

A POOR CRAFTSMAN ALWAYS BLAMES HIS TOOL
Ted Gardner, co-founder of Lollapalooza and Tool's manager of eight years, filed a $5 million-plus lawsuit against Tool Wednesday (11/22) in Los Angeles Superior Court. The suit for rescission of the management contract between the band and Gardner, sites fraud, negligent misrepresentation, breach of contract and quantum merit. Gardner alleges that he was not paid his 20% commission on, among other things, the joint venture deal the band made with Volcano in 1998. "The truth of the matter is," said one insider, "the money he received was 20%."

ROSAS' WIFE'S BODY MAY HAVE BEEN FOUND
Coroner investigators on Wednesday (11/22) unearthed a corpse from a shallow grave in Canyon Country that could be the skeletal remains of Los Lobos veteran Cesar Rosas' wife, who has been missing for over a year. Her half-brother Gabriel Gomez, already convicted of murdering Sandra Rosas despite the lack of a body, led authorities to the site. Forensic experts said they would conduct an autopsy and compare dental records to determine whether the bones are those of Rosas. While it may be several days before the Los Angeles County coroner's office identifies the remains, authorities said they are confident the victim is Rosas.

NEAR TRUTHS:
SPRING BLOOMS
Here come the big guns. (3/29a)
THE COUNT: COLDPLAY IS HOT, COUNTRY'S COOKIN' IN THE U.K.
The latest tidbits from the bustling live sector (3/29a)
CITY OF HOPE TAPS MARCIANO FOR TOP HONOR
This year's philanthropic model (3/28a)
TRUST IN THE TOP 20
Hip-hop is no longer hibernating. (3/27a)
UMG BROADENS SPOTIFY OFFERINGS
Sir Lucian and Daniel are in harmony. (3/28a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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